Volunteering in Australia

I was sitting here looking through a student travel site and found a section on volunteer work. To my surprise, the age limit for this particular volunteer work is 18-70! Even at 46 I could volunteer to do something nice sometime. I noticed that Australia was listed so I thought, "Great! I'll have a look at that." A dear friend's family is in Tasmania and I have a few other Aussie friends so a volunteer visit might be really nice sometime. Once I looked through the site though, I really had to laugh.

What Australia is in need of are people to do "Conservation" work. And can you guess why? That's because no Aussie I know would be stupid enough to go out into the blazing Australian sun to conserve anything. So they kill two birds with one stone. I have to hand it to the Aussies it's certainly a brilliant plan - avoid the poisonous livestock and get rid of pushy Americans at the same time. Australians sit in air-conditioned houses having a Foster's while they watch telly or they surf the Internet while we Americans go out and fry under the lethal sun wearing Kevlar underwear while running away from 99.9% of the most venomous of everything on earth. Now I ask you, is that a plan or what?

The site lists volunteer activities:

1. Reforestation. Where the most deadly funnel web lives, even MORE deadly than the regular old not-quite-so-deadly funnel web.

2. River and creek reservation. Where the huge salt water crocs live and are regularly fed everything. Especially irritating Yanks, conservationist and tourists.

3. Walking trails. This gives wombats and Tasmanian devils ample opportunity to tear large hunks out of your legs as you try to run away. I understand running away only infuriates them. Then there is the wildlife data collection.

In my minds eye, I saw myself walking along roasting in my Kevlar underwear to keep all (Douglas Adams, Hitchhikers guide to Australia volumes 1-42, "What's poisonous in Australia" comes immediately to mind) the various poisonous things away from me. I also saw a flash of my diary of field notes from observing the fauna... that being the final trailing off of my writing as I describe the deadly snake that has just given me a less than friendly love tap to let me know how very unhappy it is that I happened to be "observing" in it's neighborhood.

Let's see now, lovely, rather darkish... a tiger snake? King brown perhaps? Or is my eyesight failing from the copious amount of neurotoxic venom the snake just harpooned me with and maybe it was actually a lovely iridescent Taipan? Who can tell? And it doesn't really matter because I have no anti-venom to inject and wouldn't know how to if I did. So much for that $2.49 Walmart snakebite kit I brought with me.

While you may begin to feel that nothing else lives there except deadly snakes, they certainly aren't the only things to worry about. There are vicious birds as well. Let's not even think about the cassowaries. Well, ok, we have to think about them since they also roam the forests of Australia. Cassowaries are enormous VW-sized birds with heavy armor plating on their heads and the largest toenails in the solar system. They are very angry birds with bad attitudes especially when you look at their toenails. They either head butt you or they use their razor sharp toenails to rip you open like a big sack of Idaho potatoes. Who knows, maybe they head butt you THEN use the potato-sack openers. In any case, I think a very large pair of nail clippers is in order for the "Things to take to Australia" list.

The site also says that equipment and training are supplied at each project. The equipment being sticks, large pieces of pipe, a hammer, extra-jumbo toenail clippers, and fluorescent tape. Sticks, pipes, and the extra-jumbo toenail clippers are very obviously for protection. Everyone knows this. The hammer is to knock yourself in the head with after you realize what you've really gotten yourself into. The fluorescent tape is so the Australian forest rangers can find your withered body complete with snakebite, cassowary head butt bruises and a wombat hanging from your Kevlar underwear. All after only a few hours of observing the interesting wildlife.

Unlike throwing a few more shrimp on the barbie, this certainly isn't the most cheery way to end an almost one day stint of Australian wildlife observation but at least they have part of a page in an otherwise empty field diary for posterity. I wonder if a nice funeral is included.

After thinking it over, I believe I may hold out for the possible future invitation from a friend to visit lovely Australia rather than risk life and limb to visit under the pretence of a volunteer conservation visit. To all my Aussie friends and everyone else, please forgive my jests, this is meant in the spirit of laughter. I adore Australia and the animals there but neither my Kevlar underwear nor me wish to encounter quite that much wildlife in one day.

Alfred Hitchcock and "The Birds"

Over the years I've often wondered how Alfred Hitchcock came up with the idea for his movie, "The Birds". Maybe he had a nightmare or maybe something else happened that gave him the idea. Personally I think he visited Texas and experienced the evil treachery of birds first hand and decided that it would make a great movie.

The treachery I am referring to are the winged demons that inhabit every available nook and cranny around North Dallas. It seems there are huge hordes of birds this year, more so than normal and besides making some of the residents very ill, they crap on absolutely everything. Nothing is sacred.

I think they fully understand and enjoy making pests of themselves. You can see them looking at each other as if to say, "Hey Carl! Watch me!" while dive bombing anyone foolish enough to wander innocently into the yard. Even Ginger the cat runs away in terror.

About a week ago, I saw him slinking along the patio after a bird. Slinking that is, until he got within viewing distance of the fifty or so birds that were all lined up on the fence watching him. The cat's ears perked up and he turned, looked at me with a distinct "Oh my god, help ME!" look, then escaped blasting past me at warp speed.

The birds also use the swimming pool as a giant birdbath and screech at us if we make any attempt to actually get into the pool. I briefly considered equipping the pool with a smallish alligator. While that thought had obvious appeal, the plan was quickly vetoed since it could make swimming a tad on the tricky side. Then there are the cars.

Sometimes the cars look as if they have custom paint jobs. You end up with solid color cars with paint splattered all over them. People pay big bucks for those kind of paint jobs. But of course what we get isn't paint. It's bird crap deliberately deposited by the tweeting, feathered cretins just to irritate me. I regularly try to squirt them with the garden hose so I know they watch me and want to get even.

Now you may be thinking that I'm being unreasonable or unfair to the birds but in reality, they only have themselves to blame. If they would just fly next door and use my neighbors pool and crap on his Lexus, I wouldn't have any problems with them at all. But they don't. They do all that at my house. This is why I think the birds have it in for me after all the hosing incidents.

I suppose I should give them a break and maybe the car (and everything else) will be crap-free sometime in the near future.

Cat Operas

I have developed what I like to refer to as "Cat Operas". A few days ago, Ginger the cat came wandering into the bedroom like he normally does to have a rest in his comfy hammock. I normally talk to him - Yes, yesss I talk to the cat - with the standard cuddly cat-type comments. I can do a fair imitation of a cat meowing so I usually meow at him so he can feel that we are at least making an effort to learn cat language.

This time I was sitting at my desk writing. When I started meowing at Ginger it just sort of turned into the tune of the Blue Danube so I continued. The cat really seemed interested in my cat song and came over rubbing around my feet. Normally the only time he rubs around my feet is when he plans on biting one of them. This is frequent. This time though, he just loved on my leg. That is until I changed tunes to the Barber of Seville. Now that one he didn't like. He laid down on his hammock and went to sleep.

I think I may be on to something with my cat operas. I want to record a few numbers and sell them for big bucks. Of course the cat will have to get his share since he is the one being entertained and I think his meowing is ©. I can see my cd cover being added to the page of the worst album covers of all times someday with people saying, "look at this -- some imbecile made cd's meowing operas and look how stupid it looks!"

But at least it would make the cat happy. Or maybe he was just humoring me. It's possible I suppose. He has that kind of attitude. He's the sort of cat that will lay there relaxed until you get within easy attack/bite distance then he grabs for your foot or leg. Sometimes both. But Pete is more often the recipient of the double grab move. Those moves could be his way of getting even with us for all the stupid things we've done to entertain him over the last seven years.

Trashing snakes and other reptiles

I just realized that this website has put snake-related ads at the top of my blog. Ordinarily I wouldn't have a problem with that except that the products are for "Snake Away" which states, "Safe for Humans & Animals. Protect Your Yard from Unwanted Visitors!" This might be true but what does it do to the snakes? Information on the ad says that it affects the snakes sensory perception. Is this safe for the animal? Are there lasting affects to the health and well-being of the animals? If anyone knows, please let me know.

Not all and in fact very few snakes are really dangerous. Snakes help rid us of the omnipresent large rodent population which, left unchecked would easily overflow and cause serious health risks. Not to mention the damage rodents do to food crops etc.

The other ad is for "Texas Rattlesnakes" which boasts, "Real Head and Tail Keychains Full Rattlesnakes." The sale of this sort of thing makes me sick. I do realize that rattlesnakes are highly venomous and should always be given a very wide berth, however there is still no real reason to exploit these animals in this way. It's sad and cruel.

I wish some of the important people of wildlife could see some of the garbage that is allowed in regard to snakes in this part of the USA. Maybe they could actually help get something done to stop this stuff from happening or at the very least, educate more people about snakes so that the desire to harm them is greatly lessoned.

One thing I know is that if people adamantly refuse to buy things like keychains bearing a rattlesnake head or tail dangling from it, then there won't be as much of a demand for that sort of garbage. That practice is a sad, sickening waste of a beautiful and fascinating animal. It's not only snakes that are in danger from exploitation, but alligators as well.

Last June I saw an ad in a local sale paper for a well known chain of sporting good stores. Right in the center of the ad there was a page that explained how to enter their "contest". The prize was a trip to hunt and kill your own alligator. Afterward,you could have your own custom cowboy boots made from the skin. I was sickened and appalled that *anyone* would host such a horrid thing!

I don't understand what the attraction is to destroy an animal. I see no glory or manliness associated with it either. With the exception of hunting for food. If it is really necessary, I have little problem with anyone hunting to feed themselves or their family. That however is quite a different matter. The sport of it just isn't in me.

Exploitation of reptiles and animals in general won't stop until people become more aware of what they are losing when those animals are finally extinct. Please, think before you buy animal-related products. Don't buy snake skin items or anything else that causes animals to suffer. It's a waste of a beautiful animal.

Appreciating Reptiles

Just for those who don't understand my love of reptiles, snakes in particular, I am writing this is response to a note that was posted by a friend.

I do understand why some people fail to see the attraction in regard to snakes. They are cold-blooded. They aren't loving and don't come to you when you call them. They aren't cuddly or cute in the sense that a dog, cat or even a mouse or rat is. Snakes feel no loyalty to those who care for them. There are venomous snakes that kill within minutes.

The Inland Taipan of Australia is one of, if not the most venomous snake on earth. Right here in the United States we have a variety of Rattlesnakes that cause serious illness and death when the bites are left untreated. Eastern diamondback, Western diamondback, Southern Pacific Rattlesnake, Mojave Green Rattlesnake as well as others.

We have the Coral snake which is in the same family (Elapidae) as Cobras and Mambas. While docile and very reluctant to bite, the Coral's venom is highly neurotoxic and can be deadly without proper treatment of a bite. Learn about venom.

Therefore I can understand why some people don't see the attraction for snakes as pets. However, I do feel there is nothing wrong with a person having a python, boa, or most any non-venomous snake as a pet. On the other hand, some of the species of constrictors that grow to be very large, I feel should be left to expert snake handlers and herpetologists since they can be just as deadly as venomous snakes. Ball Pythons don't grow to be a dangerously unmanageable size. They are shy and prefer to stay away from people. That's how Zero was. While he may not have been a cuddly dog, he was shy and gentle and never hurt anyone.

Zero was definitely a real animal. A living, breathing animal. You would have to love snakes and reptiles as I do to understand. But that's just me. I love animals. All animals. Not just a select few that behave in such a way that rewards me. Or animals that are cute, cuddly and playful. But all animals. That includes snakes.

There is much to learn about snakes and so much more to be truly admired about them. Please take time to learn about them and appreciate them as they are then perhaps my love of snakes will become a bit more clear.

Learn more

Reptile search: Herpsearch
Thinkquest: Snakes
Reptile Database
Society for the study of amphibians and reptiles


In tribute to a great herpetologist

Dr. Joe Slowinski's site
Outside Online: Bitten

Animal Realm

This is the first post for the new animal related blog. I will be posting many others from my original blog, Kate's World Blog.

Do check back to see what I've added.